Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

You know, typically, I would say that the old Star Trek serves no purpose whatsoever because it does not have Commander Data in it. That's the only element of The Next Generation that made it cool. Without Data, Star Trek is just--eww--science fiction.

But you'll see no tribbles here. You'll see no blonde aliens in mini skirts and go go boots. Sure, you'll see bad special effects. And you'll see bad acting, but hey, they had to hire William Shatner. But Wrath of Khan is a long way from what I remember about the cheesy old show that is the stuff that Mystery Science Theater is made of.

I forgot that the characters in the original Star Trek are really quite good. They are diverse and play well together. The irrational and emotional Kirk and his best friend? A vulcan. A vulcan, I tell you--who uses the word logical every 5 seconds. And Bones is the best. He is curmudgeonly, and his relationship with Spock is absolutely priceless. They hate each other, even though Vulcans, who are incapable of emotion, are therefore incapable of hate. This is what makes that relationship so ironic and interesting.

The story itself is exciting, I guess, but too science fictiony for my standards. However, the ending is emotional and moving. Spock's "death" is an act of bravery and an act of humanity from a character who has purposely rejected his own human nature. He is, of course, not dead, and the film leaves the story open for him to resurface in later films and what have you.

All in all, not bad for a Star Trek that doesn't contain everyone's favorite android.

The Goonies

This is the 80s. This is what it's all about.

The Goonies, Sean Astin's first big film, is one of the great brat pack films of the decade that perfected the lovably imperfect genre. It's both silly and serious, unrealistic and compelling. But mostly, it's a group of great characters who don't want to be split up by the evil bank repossessing the house of two of the boys.

The pirate treasure map story may be cheesy, but it's completely charming, especially in a film that stars almost entirely children. It adds an element of fairy tale to a story that would otherwise just be another tale of class struggle and injustice.

The stereotypical bumbling bad guys add a lot of charm to the film, as well. Serious villains playing against a group of kids would not have the same appeal. The fact that they are clumsy ensures that they do not pose much of a threat to the children, creating a fun story rather than a dangerous one.

It's the characters that really make the film, however. Each is so exaggerated. The strong older brother, the beautiful rich girl and her sidekick friend, the wimpy little boy who turns out to be a hero, the fat oaf, the genius, the wise guy. Each contrasts the others, and each is so exaggerated that it is unbelievable. However, that is what makes the characters and the interactions between them so amusing and appealing.

The Goonies is one kickin' movie--far different from any other. It is truly timeless because "Goonies never say die!"

Temple of Doom

*Bum...bada-bum bum! Bum...bada-bum bum!*

...If Adventure has a name...

*Bum...bada-bum bum!*

It must be Indiana Jones!



*Ba bada BUUUUUUM! Ba baduuuuuuuuum!* (you know the rest...)

The year is is 1935. America is crawling its way out of The Great Depression, a man named Adolph Hitler is taking control over Germany, and there's nothing but hard times ahead for the planet Earth. But let's not worry about that too much, because in a remote part of asia, in an abandoned palace, the young Maha'raja's mind is being controlled and people are getting their still-beating hearts ripped out of their chests right before they're lowered into a pit of lava.

Never mind where this spiraling, geologically impossible pool came from and pay no attention to the fact that the bald guy with the creepy head dress seems to be breaking through the human ribcage with relative ease...because if you do, you're going to ruin this movie for everyone. Have a little common courtesy.

Although this has been called "The worst Indiana Jones movie", that still puts it way above a lot of other films about swashbuckling archaeologists (but I won't mention Tomb Radier by name). Independantly of the rest of the trilogy, this film proves that George Lucas has the ability to avoid destroying everything he touches. Yeah, Yeah, Star Wars was amazing. We all know that. Shut up.

All I can think about when I see Temple of Doom is the tumor LucasFilm Ltd gave me when I contemplated how I paid $30 to go see Episodes 1 through 3 (George has refused to comment on the correlation between the growing occurances of prenatal anurisms and that look on Hayden Christensen's face when he's "angry")...but I digress...It may not have the same happy-go-lucky feel that the other two had, but that's because it's NOT THE SAME!!! Wouldn't it be amazing to see a sequal to a movie that had nothing to do with the original? Oh wait, I just did...HOORAY!

What's great about this movie is that its so much darker than the other two. It dosn't matter how many nazi Indy mows over with his semi-automatic weapon because nobody likes nazi's. What I'm talking about is the villager who's done nothing but live his life for the past 20-some years. An yet, here he is getting his heart ripped out and then getting deep fried in the hottest vat of oil in the eastern hemisphere! That's some scary stuff! This is the kind of stuff Indy deals with when he's looking for an artifact nobody's heard of.

Also, you can't discount the side-kick factor. Don't get me wrong, I love Sala and Marcus and Henry Jones Sr, but there's just something about a chauvanistic chinese kid in a yankees cap telling the awful lead actress exactly what she can do with that sequined dress. Kinda makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. In fact, I'm gonna watch it again right now...and so should you.

Best of the Best

BEST OF THE BEST

Recently I saw the 1989 film Best of the Best when it was on the USA network. This is a great sports movie even if you don’t enjoy karate. Plus how can you not like anything that includes James Earl Jones? The film follows the USA national karate team in their quest to overtake the ever dominant Korean national team. Coach Cuzo (Jones) selects the “best of the best” of American martial artists and trains them for battle. The team consists of Philip Ree and Eric Roberts as well as Chris Penn. They undergo grueling training and encounter self conflicts before going to Korea as underdogs to partake in the tournament. Throughout the whole movie the Americans are paralleled with the Koreans in their styles of training and intensity and are made to look inferior. Ultimately the film sets the audience up for the classic underdog comeback story, however, in the end the Koreans end up winning. Although their win is due to the fact that Tommy Lee (Ree) refuses to finish off a helpless member of the Korean team, it is still unconventional in its delivery. Several sequels followed yet none of them worked as well as the original. I recommend that if you are interested karate or like a plotline of America vs. anyone that you see this movie.

Check Out This Movie...
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Memorable quotes:

“Drop him like a toilet seat Tommyy...”

“You have been chosen because you are… the Best of the Best”

Throw Mama from the Train

Billy Crystal
Danny Devito

Over the weekend I happened to see a movie on TV with Billy Crystal and Danny Devito which I later found out to be an 80’s comedy called Throw Mama from the Train.Crysal plays Larry Donner and Danny Devito plays Owen Lift. This film follows a distressed writer and professor (Donner) who loathes his ex-wife and one of his students (Lift) who also despises his own mother. Owen seems to be a bit deranged and lacking the attention he deserves in his writing in Larry’s class. We venture on a comedic thrill ride with Owen’s character in an attempt to kill Larry’s wife in hope that Larry will in return kill his aging and annoying mother. A reluctant Larry is thrown into a position where he has to hide out at Owen’s house and carry out several plots to kill Owen’s mother which only end in some sort of pain or embarrassment for himself. The movie is carried by classic Billy Crystal comedy and Danny Devito antics. I laughed out loud several times, however, I would not characterize this film as “plot driven” in any way. When I was trying to find the title of the film I found that it was nominated for an Academy Award for the woman who played Devito’s mother and did an excellent job in the role. The end provides a twist that I did not expect and adds to the overall entertainment of the film. If you are looking for a laugh and have about an hour and a half to kill I recommend this classic 80’s comedy.

Check Out This Movie...
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094142/trailers

Classic Quotes:

“I’m Owen’s friend. Owen doesn’t have any friends he’s fat and stupid.”

“The night was hot, wait no, the night, the night was humid. The night was humid, no wait, hot, hot. The night was hot. The night was hot and wet, wet and hot. The night was wet and hot, hot and wet, wet and hot; that's humid. The night was humid

Caddy Shack

This is what I would like to so properly deem as a husband's choice film.

Every guy I know tends to think that Caddy Shack is the greatest contribution to cinema of all time. From my experience, girls don't usually agree. Now I have finally seen it, and I would have to agree with my fellow females--this movie bites.

It's not funny, except for the cute, fuzzy, and purposely cheesy gopher. It's just dumb humor, but the word "humor" must only be used in the most liberal sense.

Even though this film makes use of some of the funniest people who have ever lived--Rodney Dangerfield, Chevy Chase, Bill Murray--somehow the film's pointlessness overrides their comic ability creating the result of me wishing I had the last two hours of my life back.

I'm all about movies that have no plot. And the characters in the film are, well, interesting, I suppose. But the dialogue is so far out in left field (not to use a baseball term in a golf movie) that it's not even funny. Again, left field comedy is one of my favorite forms of comedy, but this just doesn't even attempt to make sense.

Back to to gopher, though, he is a clever element of the film, if there is such a thing. I like that the technology is purposefully bad and the scenario is completely unrealistic. It is one thing for Bill Murray to be outsmarted by a gopher. It is completely another to be outsmarted by a poor representation of an animatronic gopher that dances to celebrate its victory. I must say, that is brilliantly amusing.

Past the gopher, however, I see no redeeming qualities in this film. I even like golf, but this is just too much. Or too little. Or something.

As for my husband picking the films I watch, I think I will cease this practice. Give me Moonstruck and The Breakfast Club any day of the week.

Eli's Movie Reviews: The Evil Dead

Listen up, kids, because I'm only going to say this once: If you want to see an 80's film about demons, college students, and a very manly man with a very womanly name, then you need to pick up a copy of The Evil Dead (also, loosen up your standards a little). The story follows a group of college students on their weekend trip into the woods. While there, they discover The Necronamican (seen left), a book which if read has the power to bring the souls of the dead into our world. If you're on the edge of your seat, nervously biting the end of your nails in anticipation of what's going to happen next, you're an idiot with no concept of narrative structure or plot conflict...just see the movie.

Although this movie isn't afraid to touch on the heavy subjects (friendship, morality in the face of death, and demons raping women via posession of trees), it's more of a comedy than anything else. The protagonist Ashley, a role shared both by Bruce Campbell and his massive chin, is nothing more than a bumbling idiot who runs around melodramatically while fake blood is thrown on him by the bucket-full. The biggest question is if this is a failure of a horror movie that takes itself way too seriously, or is it a brilliant stroke of cinematic genius that dosn't take itself seriously enough? Consider the follwing:

1. The role of Ashley's girlfriend is played by two people whose hairstyles couldn't be more different.
2. Immeditely after crying over the loss of his girlfriend, Ashley proceeds to beat the demon she's become with a log. Not a twig, not a stick, not anything you'd normally use beat the living dead...but an ENTIRE LOG.
3. A tree rapes a girl. I'll be the first to admit that this was a very uptight girl who was stuck as a third wheel and probably needed to get laid (hell, I know I) would in that situation), but I've never seen anything to make me believe that demons are posessing trees in order to live out some sick, twisted, cross-dimensional fantasy.

Conclusion: Absurd though it may be, this movie is brilliant. If demons frighten you, you'll be scared. If they don't you'll be rolling on the floor.

B+ for Cinematic Form
A for Entertainment Value
A+ because Bruce Campbell has a chin with a mind of its own

The Evil Dead

The Evil Dead is a low budget horror film created in 1982 by director Sam Raimi (who is also the director of Spider-Man). The movie stars Bruce Campbell and Sarah Berry who are two of five teenage friends who rent a cabin out in the backwoods of Tennessee for the weekend. Shortly after arriving at the cabin the friends stumble onto a mysterious voice recorder in the basement which tells a story of horrific possessions as well as an incantation which releases evil spirits onto the cabin once more. Along with the voice recorder the friends find a book called The Book of the Dead which is pretty much an information guide to the underworld that comes into play later on in the film.

Eventually four of the five college students become possessed by evil spirits and are now part of the undead army. Ash (Bruce Campbell) must find a way to survive the night with nothing more then a shotgun with very little ammo and his wits. Ash cannot leave the cabin because even the woods are his enemy so he must stay the entire night before being able to escape to civilization the next morning.

If you like horror films at all this is a film you have to watch. Although it’s not the scariest of films it is very well done for the amount of money that was put into it. The special effects are obviously a little weak because of the time the film was created but overall it gets the point across even though most of the effects are in Claymation. The plot like most horror films is pretty standard with young teenagers running away from some kind of evil and sooner or later being taken out one by one. The filming was done in a very professional well done fashion. There were a few shots and angles that were pretty interesting starting with the introduction when the car pulled up to the cabin.

Overall the film is just a fun movie to watch and I highly recommend viewing it along with its two sequels Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness because the trilogy is simply a classic.

The Princess Bride

The Princess Bride, starring Cary Elwes and Robin Wright Penn, is considered one of the 80s' classic films. I am actually embarassed to say that I have never seen it until this point. Now, however, I can attest to its awesomeness.

It's the classic spoof fairy tale. The story that everyone knows. The evil prince wants the beautiful girl that rose from rags to riches. She wants the commoner over the prince because she is in love with the commoner and not the prince. Anything for love. The commoner outsmarts the prince and his goons with the help of his brutish comic relief side kicks. In the end, the prince is a coward, and the commoner is victorious. He rescues the damsel in distress, and all is right with the world.

This story describes an innumerable array of fairy tales. So why is this film that uses that template so popular as a film in the 80s aimed at teenagers and adults?

Because, just like the 80s, it's completely cracked. If it weren't Rob Reiner, it would be an obvious Mel Brooks film.

It's difficult to even discuss this movie in terms of the plot, though, because it is truly the characters that make it. Wesley's cunning. Inigo's combination of savageness and manners. Fezzik's melding of brute strength and gentleness. Humperdink's crooked cowardice. And, of course, any cameo by Billy Crystal is bound to be hilarious.

The way the story is told is also clever. It is told as a grandfather telling the story to his grandson in modern times. Typically, it is not men from Chicago that are interested in fairy tales. But that's what makes it ironic and, in itself, humorous.

This is a truly remarkable film. To describe its majesty, it only takes 12 words:

"My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed by father. Prepare to die." Brilliant.

Back to the Future Part II

Back to the Future Part II


Michael J. Fox
Christopher Lloyd


Now I know that we were supposed to do a movie that we haven’t seen, however, let me explain the logic behind choosing Back to the Future Part II. The last time I have seen this film I think I was about eight years old and didn’t have the same intellect that I have today. The other day, I revisited this film in an effort to revive the memories that I have from watching it when I was a kid.

In the 1989 sequel to a classic film of the 80’s starring Michael J. Fox as Marty McFly and my personal favorite Christopher Lloyd as Dr. Emmit Brown, the two venture 40 years into the future to save Marty’s kids. While in the future an elderly Biff steals the time machine and alters the past making himself incredibly wealthy thus effecting the entire city of Hill Valley. Now in an alternative reality to Doc and Marty, they must travel to the past to stop old Biff from making the young Biff wealthy. We are on a thrill ride with the Delorian which ultimately ends us looming for more as Marty will have to rescue the Doc from the old west in the final chapter of the trilogy. I definitely recommend that everyone sit down and watch the entire trilogy if you haven’t already seen the films. Both Marty and Doc always seem to be battling to uphold some sort of ethical standard from the highly ethical challenged Biff and his relatives. I would, however, recommend that you look at these films without an analytical eye and kick back and take them for the pure enjoyment factor as well as the eerie question of time travel.

Check Out This Movie...
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Memorable Quotes:

"Hey, Doc, you better back up. We don't have enough road to get up to 88.
Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads"

"Party's over Biff. There's a little matter we need to talk about. Oh yeah money right well you can forget it. No, Greys. Sports. Almanac. You heard him ladies party's over."

Greg Morris